Nicole's News Blag

Star Trek inspired wine: the solution to my empty wine rack obviously. It’s an Ikea metal shelf that I bought for Mike’s beer collection. However, we learned beer is to be stored upright and not on its side. Now we have a wine rack - empty, but full of opportunity.

These “perpetual blooms towels” from Anthropologie are the answer to my woes. Based on the reviews, I don’t think I could handle them as a full-on bath towel, but as hand towels - now we’re cooking. Next step: find matching bath towels.

I’m officially a member of the Megan Draper/Sharon Tate conspiracy theorist cult converting viewers on the Internets. I want to believe.

Also, who is Bob Benson?And is his father really dead?

I say crayon like “cran” and apparently so do people in Minnesota and Wisconsin, according to a study by a North Carolina State University student. This obviously proves a theory that I’m secretly a Midwesterner. Don’t let that fool you though, I also pronounce mayonnaise in the fashion that southern folks do.

The Earth’s crust has deteriorated under the city of Spokane, according to a Spokane man. He has been bombarding news media in Spokane for a long time with his volcano-under-the-city delusion.

He has sent emails, letters and called newsrooms, but nobody listens to him, he said. Since Spokane lacks major fault lines - there’s not much to support his story. However, it does make for a good blog post.

One of his emails sent in early May is a gem. Enjoy.

A few days before the first of April a loud crack was heard under ground beneath the west basalt cliff by Latah Creek. The cities south basalt wall the South Hill cracked month ago.

The city of Spokane immediately started to move like a diving board after the west crust crack which was more than five miles long going south to north. More than 30% of the city has no rock crust its fell into the magma abyss.

The volcanic hazards assessment guide states the area is a mandatory evacuation by the current noises heard.

The city and area will finish its drop and erupt lava flooding the Columbia Basin with lava suddenly.

To ignore the mandated criteria of evacuation is ignorant suicide.

For public officials also to ignore the mandated evacuation criteria listed in the volcanic hazards assessment guide is self and mas murder.

Spokane Washington poses a threat for a sudden and globally catastrophic eruption now.

I evacuated my home.

I was born and raised in Spokane and attended Emerson, Havermale, North Central, Spokane Community College and Gonzaga University.

I feel I have failed to alert even though I placed warning signs on poles at the request of aware S.T,A. drivers, and was first to announce the eruption emergency on KXLY and was banned from the news scope call in being called insane.

News media listen again to the noises under ground in the Spokane area. I fail to see any reason for such arrogance. It doesn’t require a expert’s to recognize a emergency exists in the Columbia plateau.

I don’t have a dream notebook, but I should. The night after the Texas tornado whipped through the state, I had this dream:

I was on the fourth or fifth floor of an office building and we were watching the clouds swarm, spin into a gigantic funnel cloud. As it hit the ground, we knew there was shelter in the basement, but the tornado was headed our way.

The elevator swayed as we went down. It nearly got stuck at the basement, but we crawled out and there was this long hallway of “shelter pods.” 

Only two people can fit in each of these pods. They look like an egg - something out of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Once you get in, the pod locks and is filled with gas.

Next thing you know, you wake up to an alternate reality - a dream state where anything you want is happening - a distraction to keep your body calm as the building collapses around you. 

I became aware of the distraction and could access the administration panel which shows each pods condition. Some were down - the people inside them dead. 

Another was alive. It had my name on it in bold red typeface. It said critical condition. 

And then I woke up. 

I miss these guys.

I pretty much cried on my last day of work at The Spokesman-Review because…

A. My co-workers made a Vine without my help.

B. I’m really going to miss them.

C. Both.

A woman called me asking about the Silver Dollar Bar that burned down in Mullan, Idaho yesterday. 

What happened to the silver dollars that lined the bar, she asked.

My mind wandered to the Bluth’s Original Frozen Banana Stand, but to answer her question, there were no silver dollars in the bar. 

Speaking of the banana stand. It’s on a nationwide tour right now and I just missed it by two weeks as it visited New York.